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Thanks but no thanks

August 2, 2011 - Per Peterson
This is a note to Ali Hassan, the personal assistant for special duties to sheik Moussa Koussa, and all the other foreign or domestic people out there wishing to work with me on transferring funds and/or treasures overseas: Leave me alone. Stop emailing me. Ali asked me this morning for my consent to transfer $25 million dollars worth of “treasures and cash” to me for safe keeping. He told me we’ll discuss my “reward” later. Ali, I’m already rich, totally loaded. Do you not know that I am the owner of several oil fields in the Middle East? Plus, I am the founder of a nationwide chain of colored rubber band companies that netted more than $2 billion last year ALONE. And I’m also a very successful art thief with a collection that would blow your mind. I use hundred-dollar bills for kindling, Ali. I buy a new SUV when I get sick of the one I just bought because it finally dawned on me that I don't like the color. I have yachts I haven’t even taken out on the water yet. And I’ve won Powerball twice in the last five years — which has really taken the fun out of playing. Tell sheik Moussa Koussa thanks but no thanks. If you want to help someone Ali, give the money, or rewards as you called it, to some third-world country; do something humanitarian with it. I have enough. I’m a rich American and frankly, I’m sick of having so much —?you can only roll around in money for so long before it gets old. And stop emailing me at work. You’re gonna get me in trouble.


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