The candidates for Commander in Chief - current President Obama and his challenger Mitt Romney - had their first debate Wednesday night, and it couldn't have come too soon.
Nothing changes from election to election when it comes to presidential races. The candidates fire shots at each other, they defend themselves and they tell us what they would do "if elected." They make promises they can't keep.
This is called campaigning, and we're tired of it.
At least debates put candidates on the spot, under the white-hot lights. Debates are important. Some candidates have won elections under these lights, some have been singed by them. There are more debates to come and each will play a key role in how the presidential election plays out. It's what goes on between these debates that gets old. The jabs each take at their opponent eight states away. The expensive TV ads that make us appreciate even more the "PREV" button on our remote. By the time the election rolls around we just want everything over with.
Look, I can make it real simple for you two. You want my vote? Make me some real promises. Got a list of 20 for starters:
Lower the price of gas by $1 or more per gallon by April.
Keep it there. OMG! You might have to dip into reserves! Or have you forgotten where we keep them?
Visit my hometown, but don't tell anyone you're coming. Except me. Then walk downtown with me, you know, just to see the faces.
Give me your cell phone number.
Worry about this country's problems more than other countries'. Show me you care as much about what happens in Page County, Iowa, as you do in Peshawar, Pakistan.
Establish a law that prohibits pro sports leagues from going on strike.
Stop trying so hard to be hip and mainstream. (Example: Obama making his NCAA basketball pickswe just don't care!) No more talk show appearances, either, please (60 Minutes is acceptable, but I swear, if I see a presidential candidate on Dancing with the Stars, I will move to Canada. Or Peshawar). I know you're trying to get the young vote, but is this how you want to do it? Presidents don't have to be cool.
Fire your vice president. Nothing personal, but you don't need him, we don't need him, and the government doesn't need to pay someone to fill the role. You're married, aren't you? First lady shmirst lady, let her be the vice president.
Bring down the cost of hybrid cars. I'd go green if I didn't have to spend so much of mine to do it.
Stop messing with school lunches.
Fix Congress. NO FARM BILL? You're joking, right? Seriously, where's the farm bill?
Promise not to Tweet. Ever.
Stop wearing red or blue ties just because your party is associated with a certain color. And don't tell me it brings out your eyes.
Save the postal service. I believe you call them bailouts?
Pay what your conscience tells you you should pay in taxes - more than just what allows you to sleep at night.
Two words: National debt.
Two more: Less government (see school lunches).
Donate at least 20 percent of any future campaign contributions and funds raised to charity. Any charity. Give a bum a c-notesomething. Better yet, make it a presidential rule that a portion of funds goes to a good cause every election year. At $5,000 a plate for some of these soirees, that would go a long, long way.
Make it so hard and laborious for someone to buy an automatic rifle they just give up trying.
Am I asking too much? You could argue that. Just a matter of how much you really want my vote.