Submitted photo by Abby Boerboom With silhouettes added to their family portrait, Ryan and Whitney Brunsvold also remember the children they didn’t get to meet. The Brunsvolds said they experienced a total of five miscarriages over the space of three years, Together with two other area families, the Brunsvolds spoke with the Independent about the impact that pregnancy and infant loss has had on their lives.

MARSHALL — The loss of a child is a deep source of grief. But for parents who have experienced a miscarriage or the loss of an infant, it can also be isolating.

“It’s a very silent, lonely grief, because nobody knows about it,” Whitney Brunsvold said.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and a group of southwest Minnesota parents say they’re speaking up about their experiences so others feel less alone.

“It’s OK to talk about it,” Samantha Downing-Fischer said.

Three area couples spoke with the Independent about their experiences with miscarriage or the death of infant children. While each family’s experience was different, they said they all felt a similar grief.

Whitney Brunsvold said miscarriage was something she and her husband Ryan Brunsvold hadn’t thought much about, after having two pregnancies without problems. But after the birth of the Brunsvolds’ oldest two children, Whitney had five miscarriages in the space of three years.

“Until you go through it, you don’t know,” she said. “For me, depression and anxiety was what hit after.”

For Samantha Downing-Fischer and her husband, David Fischer, the loss came after the birth of their son Charlie in January. Charlie struggled with respiratory issues, and was transported to a hospital in Sioux Falls, Downing-Fischer said. But even with the help of the medical team, Charlie died.

Downing-Fischer said she thought a lot of people just aren’t sure what to say to a parent who has lost a baby. For her, saying something was better than saying nothing. It was also helpful for her to connect with other moms who had experienced infant loss.

“I have been pretty vocal on social media about my experiences, and sharing information,” she said.

Luke and Hannah Sanders live near Murdock and have family in the Marshall area. In April, Hannah went into labor about 20 weeks into her pregnancy. The Sanders’ twin sons, Joseph and Samuel, were born alive but premature, and died, Hannah said.

“They don’t know exactly what went wrong,” Hannah Sanders said. One possible cause may have been early cervical opening, she said.

While Hannah said she felt “blindsided” by the loss, she said she’s also learned that pregnancy loss is more common than people might think.

According to the March of Dimes, about 10 to 15% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, for women who know they are pregnant. About one in 100 women have repeat miscarriages.

The Star Legacy Foundation, a nonprofit dedicated to reducing pregnancy loss, said one out of every 160 deliveries in the United States ends in stillbirth.

Neonatal death — the death of a baby in the first 28 days of life — happens to about four in 1,000 babies each year in the U.S., the March of Dimes said.

The Brunsvolds, Fischers and Sanders said one thing that’s difficult about experiencing a miscarriage or the death of a baby is that people don’t often talk about the loss.

“They kind of dance around it and don’t know what to say,” Ryan Brunsvold said.

But while every parent is different, the couples said they find it helps to be open about acknowledging their loss.

“I think you have to read the person,” and ask what they’re comfortable talking about, Whitney Brunsvold said. Downing-Fischer said having co-workers asking those questions was helpful for her when she returned to work after Charlie died.

Whitney Brunsvold said for her, raising awareness of pregnancy and infant loss was important.

“It just makes you feel less alone,” she said.

It was important to let women who have experienced pregnancy loss know it wasn’t their fault, and to encourage them to find support, she said. That can include mental health care or therapy, as well as reaching out to supportive people.

“Nobody thinks about the mental health side, and it’s huge,” Ryan Brunsvold said.

Parents said there are other ways to show support, too.

“Sometimes it’s also just asking your friends, ‘What can I do?’ “ Brunsvold said.

“Reaching out is the best thing,” Downing-Fischer said.

One local group that is reaching out to families who have lost pregnancies or babies, or have lost adoptions, is the Maggie Jean Foundation. Nancy and Paul Blanchard started the foundation in memory of their baby daughter who died at 22 weeks.

“That was 26 years ago,” Nancy Blanchard said.

Blanchard said the Maggie Jean Foundation provides “boxes of blessings” for affected parents, with remembrances like a devotional book, a gestation-sized baby blanket and hat, and notes from other families who have experienced that loss.

“We really want to let them know that they’re not alone,” Blanchard said.

The Maggie Jean Foundation held a golf invitational in August, and on Oct. 15, they held a candlelight vigil at Legion Field Park. The event had a good turnout, and people shared memories of their babies, Blanchard said.

“I think it really helps people to talk about it,” she said.

Hannah Sanders said she attended the vigil together with members of Luke’s family.

“It was really nice,” she said.

It was good to be with other people who understood what she and Luke were going through, and it was also a chance to remember their children.

“We love going to events where we can honor Joseph and Samuel,” she said.

Sanders said for her, it was important to raise awareness of pregnancy and infant loss for two reasons. One reason was to try and help prevent it happening to other families. Another was to help parents who have lost a baby feel less alone.

“It does feel so lonely when you go through it,” she said.

Downing-Fischer encouraged parents to reach out to others who have experienced pregnancy loss.

“If it does happen to you, there are people out there who can support you,” she said.

“They’ve been through it.”