Photo by Sariah Cheadle Dr. Anne Marie Vorbach with Avera spoke during the Take Care To Give Care program at Heritage Pointe Senior Living in Marshall on Thursday.

MARSHALL — The Marshall Area Dementia Awareness Network (MADAN) hosted Take Care to Give Care afternoon of relaxation and inspirational messages at Heritage Pointe Senior Living on Thursday as part of National Caregiver Awareness Month.

About 15 attendees were welcomed into the room by soft music and the warm, spicy smell of hot apple cider. Candles — albeit fake ones, in observance of fire safety — and decorations featuring the color purple (the color associated with caregiver awareness) filled the room. During the welcome speech, attendees were encouraged to take one of the purple candles with them, and use it as a reminder to take a moment to “fill your own bucket” and remember that there is always a light in the darkness.

The first message, “Using Mindfulness Techniques in Caregiving” was shared by Fay Prairie of Prairie Perspectives, counselor and life coach from outside Balaton. She began by sharing the deeply personal account of her journey toward the necessity of implementing mindfulness with the death of her son to suicide and the loss of her mother to dementia.

She described going back to school at age 45 to get an master of arts in counseling.

“I didn’t know I would be my first serious client,” she said.

Prairie shared the complex feelings of being a caregiver — from shock and grief, sadness and fear, guilt and shame.

She also shared the humor that would sometimes accompany these strange interactions with someone with dementia. Prairie and her husband, Doug, shared a room with her mother. Her mother would often be found sitting in a chair outside the room in the middle of the night. When asked what she was doing she would exclaim: “I don’t want to sleep with Doug.” (Fay was quick to reassure us that Doug was not, in fact, sleeping next to his mother-in-law.)

These moments are essential, for to see the humor in these situations, is key to a mindfulness practice that centers you in the moment, and where no judgment is found, Prairie said.

She highlighted three focuses as key to mindfulness:

• First, be mindful of your feelings. She describes feelings as a child coming to a parent and trying to get their attention. As the parent ignores the child, a parent can get more and more impatient, and sometimes may then lash out in anger and frustration. But, once the child shares, they go off and play calmly. Just as with our emotions, once they have shared and told our body what they are feeling, they can quietly go away.

At this point, Prairie urged attendees to close their eyes and imagine a golden halo circling over above their heads. Slowly, she described it moving down and over their body, asking them to notice any sensations in each location. She advised them to do this regularly, and become more in tune with what their body is feeling.

• Second, be in the present moment. To ground yourself in the moment without thought of the future or guilt over the past and continually gently guide our thoughts back.

Many attendees expressed how hard this can be, and how feelings of shame over moments of frustration can linger, even years after.

Prairie encouraged attendees to look around and describe something you can see, hear, smell, touch and to taste our drinks. These observations make us more present, she shares, and in turn allow us to be more calm, and in control with those we love, she said.

“The present moment is the happiest place to be,” Prairie said.

• Finally she encouraged us to be mindful of your thoughts — sharing how they send chemicals throughout your body which will change how you feel; and how you feel changes how you act.

“You have a choice; you can think something else,” Prairie said. “Mindfulness can’t change the situation but it can change your relationship to the situation.”

Rebekah Reynolds of MADAN shared resources available for caregivers, including the Senior Linkage Line, at 800-333-2433. It provides caregivers insight on where and how they can receive help from local and statewide agencies.

Jane Nelson Como of Advocate, Connect, Educate of Southwest Minnesota also shared resources, including a support group that meets at the adult community on the first Wednesday of every month at 10 a.m. Others include food support and physical fitness programs for seniors.

Dr. Anne Marie Vorbach, psychotherapist at Avera, delivered the final message.

She suggested to take some time to identify things that you enjoy. Going for a walk was common among the attendees.

She then dispelled some common myths of self care. That it is selfish, that they take a lot of time, that we should never need help.

“It’s important to be able to receive; it’s not realistic to only ever be a giver,” Vorbach said.

“Tell your brain, I’m gonna focus on this,” she said. And identify self- care ideas to do both at home as well as away from home, but always to “appreciate the mission you’ve been given.”

“I have permission to take care of myself,” Vorbach said