Teen dating violence has become more recognized and there is a nationwide initiative to increase awareness and education about the dangers of teen dating abuse. In 2006 the first National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Week was held. Since then, the month of February has been recognized nationally for bringing awareness to teen dating violence.

The phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” stands true to what we want for our youth and teens in all aspects of life. Teaching youth and teens about healthy boundaries and relationships with themselves and others is one of the most valuable life lessons we can give.

One of the many changes that happen when adolescents get older is they start to explore dating and looking for someone to have a special bond and connection with. Many young teens and adolescents are unaware of the necessary boundaries to protect themselves or understand the dangers of being in an abusive relationship.

Statistics show that only 33% of teens tell someone about being in an abusive relationship. Intimate partner violence is the most prevalent form of youth violence to date. Teen dating violence and abuse can happen to all ages, genders, and races.

Statistics show that 1 out of 3 high school students experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from a partner before becoming an adult. Approximately 13% of 6th-9th graders have reported being stalked, and male and female youth victims report equally being stalked.

A nationwide report showed that over 4.5 million of all individuals across the U.S. reported being stalked before they were 18 years old. The largest portion of perpetrators were former partners they dated. The average age for teen dating abuse starts to elevate begins with 13 years old and escalates again between the ages of 15-17.

Our culture has glossed over and blurred the lines between friendship, romance, and abuse. Outlets such as social media, young adult literature, television, and gaming platforms have played large roles in disguising and minimizing domestic abuse and violence.

Youth tend to be more influential by copying and going along with what they see around them, including violent or abusive relationship patterns. Abusive relationships can consist of one or multiple warning signs that parents, adults, and teens can look for.

Warning signs can be changes in mood, changes in sleep or eating patterns, withdrawal from friends and family, and loss of interest in school and school activities. Recognizing these red flags and talking with the youth, along with discussing the situation, when necessary, with the school, a counselor, and possibly law enforcement. Signs of an abusive relationship can look like jealousy or controlling behavior, isolation from other friends and family, unwanted sexual contact, constant monitoring, controlling of social media and cell phone, drug and alcohol abuse, intimidation, insults or humiliation, threats, or causing physical harm.

Some tips on how to get help if you are in an abusive relationship to tell someone. Talking to a friend, adult, or an advocacy program is helpful with having someone you can trust with the situation and come up with a plan to protect the victim. Some things that could be helpful include having a journal with the dates, times, and locations of incidents.

Another helpful tip can be saving emails, texts, or any electronic communications that contain abuse or dating violence. Relationships can become violent quickly and tend to escalate rapidly. It is important to reach out to trusted friends or family for help and support during this time.

Victims of teen dating violence tend to show negative impacts on their physical and mental health. The most common negative impacts are becoming antisocial and showing signs of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and being at a higher risk for suicide. Without intervention and help, teens who have been in abusive relationships also tend to continue the same trends and relationship patterns throughout their adulthood. Parents and adults play a major role in educating teens and youth about dating violence and abuse. By taking the time to talk with teenagers about what consent is, how to say and accept “no” as a response to situations that could be uncomfortable. It is important to teach youth to be assertive in their boundaries, how to disagree and stand up for themselves respectfully and healthily. It is also valuable to teach and share with youth how to start and maintain healthy relationships that are based on honesty, respect, and trust. It is also just as important to explain what in a relationship is unhealthy and abusive, which can be achieved by giving examples that are often seen on TV. Personal experiences can also be great for describing realistic scenarios and situations. Being a trusted source of information and someone that the youth can talk to is important. Remaining open and non-judgmental towards a teen with whatever situation they want to discuss will make you their safe space when they need it. Having open conversations, offering learning opportunities at a younger age, and giving them the tools necessary to become more confident in creating boundaries and maintaining healthy relationships will have a positive impact throughout their lives.

For more information about teen dating violence or abuse, you can go online to teendvmonth.org or contact a local domestic violence group. If you are a teen and feel you might be in an abusive relationship, you can reach out to a local advocacy program like WoMen’s Rural Advocacy Program (WRAP) at www.letswrap.com or 800-639-2350, or the National Dating Abuse Helpline at www.loveisrespect.org or 1-866-331-9474. Both of these services mentioned are confidential and provide multiple resources to help victims.

— Becci tenBensel is executive director of Womens Rural Advocacy Programs