Dear Annie: My mom, “Janet,” lost her husband — my dad — almost three years ago after 45 years of marriage. Their relationship was strong, full of love, laughter and quiet routines. His death was sudden, and it shattered her world. Since then, she’s been living alone in the house they shared, and despite gentle encouragement, she refuses to engage with anyone outside of immediate family.

She doesn’t go to church anymore; she won’t attend local senior or grief support groups; and she has no interest in making new friends. When I suggest things like taking a class, joining a widow’s group or even having coffee with neighbors, she shuts down. She insists she’s fine and “doesn’t need people,” but I know she’s lonely. She spends most of her days watching TV, reading or working in the garden.

She lights up when we visit, and she adores her grandchildren — but once we leave, she retreats again. I’m afraid the longer she isolates herself, the harder it will be to reconnect. I also worry that she’s slowly slipping into depression, though she’s adamant that she’s “just not a social person” and doesn’t want to be pitied or seen as a “charity case.”

She’s a strong woman who spent her life caring for others — but now she won’t let anyone care for her. I want to honor her grief, but I also want her to find connection, laughter and even joy again.

How can I encourage my widowed mother to step out of her isolation and try to reengage with the world, without making her feel pressured or disrespected in her grief? — Worried Son

Dear Worried: First off, I am sorry for your loss. You sound like a wonderful son, and your mother is fortunate to have you care so much. You can’t rush grief, especially after 45 years of marriage. Your mother may find comfort in solitude right now, but isolation can slowly turn into depression.

Keep gently inviting her to activities. Keep telling her how much you love her. If her withdrawal deepens, encourage her to speak with a counselor. She may not want help, but she likely needs it.

You can’t fix her grief, but you can walk beside her while she finds her way through it.

Dear Annie: My boyfriend, “Mark,” and I have been together for three years. We’re in love, we communicate well and we’ve supported each other through some big life changes. We talk about marriage and a future together, but we’re completely stuck on one major issue: We want to live in different states.

Mark lives in the Midwest, close to his aging parents and longtime friends. He has a stable job and deep roots there. I live on the East Coast, where I moved after a painful divorce. Over the past five years, I’ve built a new life I love — close friends, a fulfilling career and a sense of peace I never had before.

We’ve considered every option — alternating time in each place, long distance or starting fresh somewhere new. But none of it feels sustainable. One of us would have to give up something deeply personal, and I worry that over time, that could turn into resentment.

We love each other, but we’re at a standstill.

Can a relationship really work when two people feel strongly called to live in different places? And how do we make a choice without one of us losing too much in the process? — Torn Between Two Homes

Dear Two Homes: You and Mark clearly love each other, but love alone doesn’t solve everything. If neither of you is willing to move without sacrificing something vital, you may be facing a deeper incompatibility.

Long distance can work — if there’s a clear plan both people feel good about. Without that, resentment can grow, and love can falter.

Have the hard conversation. Be honest about what each of you can truly live with. Don’t trade your peace of mind for romance. A strong relationship needs shared ground — emotionally and geographically.